Why?

Today.....my friend "H" tried to kill herself with an overdose of pills. She suffers from cancer, an idiot husband, and low self esteem. I sit her, waiting to hear word from her half way across the country, and realize that eventually she will be gone. I want to believe there is something after, some where for her to go..... but I cannot fool myself. I want to believe in a God and a heaven, or re-incarnation, or even ghosts, so that when she is gone, there will be something left of her. But the fact is, when we die, thats it. It's over. There is no white light, no judgement, no reward and punishment. Life would be easier if I could swallow the lie of religion, but damn it..... I cannot delude myself. FUCK!